


heart shaped knife you made for me

by winterscaptsam



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 11:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19227838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterscaptsam/pseuds/winterscaptsam
Summary: Sam Wilson & Bucky Barnes are loving parents to two children, domestic way of living until one day Sam Wilson gets intel on Bucky Barnes, when he was the winter soldier that changes his life forever.





	heart shaped knife you made for me

**Author's Note:**

> (this wasn’t my prompt so give kudos and recognition to @sheabutterbambi on tumblr for the idea)
> 
> \- Domestic  
> \- Fluff  
> \- Angst  
> \- Mentions of death

 

This was the kind of happiness only the lucky ones felt. Bucky and Sam, happily married. After years of Steve telling them they “argued like an old married couple” they decided to prove him  right . And they did argue like an old married couple almost every day.

 

Until the day their lives completely changed. Audrey, 11 years old with a toothy smile, tanned skin and brown hair like Bucky’s but eyes like Sam became apart of their lives. She wanted to be a fighter, just like her Dad, Bucky and Papa, Sam. 

 

Not long after, Calvin came into their lives.Black curly hair that rested gently on his head and a smile so infectious. Reserved and comic obsessed, a typical 8 year old boy with the brain of a genius. His favorite hero was a Bruce Banner. Not the hulk version though. 

 

“Papa! Apparently the biggest ocean in the world is the pa-si-fick!” Calvin shouted out over the dinner table, mouthful of spaghetti.

 

“Ewwww!! Dad, tell him to close to his mouth!” Audrey shouted back, sitting right opposite her little brother. 

 

He smirked as he slurped the remaining pieces up and looks at Sam,

 

“Pacific ocean, Cal. They teach you that at school today?” Sam asked, focusing his eyes on his son whose still slurping up spaghetti and realizing how much he was disturbing his sister.

 

Calvin just shrugged, “no, I searched it up”

 

Bucky nods to himself, well now he knows why there was about a hundred images of the oceans saved to his desktop laptop. He laughed a little and put his hand on Calvin’s shoulder,

 

“You kid, you make me feel like an idiot when I’m next to you.” 

 

Calvin smiles, proud of himself. Audrey looks at her half full plate in disgust as she remembers Calvin’s slurping. 

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Sam lightens up his voice.

 

Audrey and Calvin burst into laughter as both their fathers playfully made digs at each other through out dinner.

 

** Bedtime **

 

It became almost like a tradition. Bucky would check the closest, Sam would check under the beds to make sure all the monsters were away. They read them a story that they finally ended up picking after thirty minutes of arguing which book. Sam tucks then in and Bucky kisses them goodnight. 

 

Sam sat up right in bed as Bucky jumped next to him, cuddling up under the covers and into Sam’s arms. Sam got his phone and proceeded to show Bucky a video he took of Calvin and Audrey in their room. Calvin was sat on his bed, smile across his face as he happily did his homework. Audrey, pretending she was Hawkeye while holding a Black Widow toy. 

 

Bucky just smiles, looks up at Sam and then back at the phone and smiles. He was too happy to say anything and Sam knew that. They closed the lights and drifted off to sleep in the happiness of each other’s arms. 

 

**Next Morning**  


 

“But Dad! Papa makes such boring lunchboxes! They’re going to make fun of me at school and I will be cold and lonely and sad!” Audrey shrugged, hands crossed and lips in a pout.

 

She wanted chocolates, Sam gave her an apple. She wanted Pepsi, Sam gave her orange juice. Her packed lunch was the least exciting thing of the day. 

 

“You won’t be cold because it’s summer and you won’t be lonely because you have us. If you’re sad, remember Bucky and I are sad as we wait alone for you to come back,” Sam tried changing her attitude with arms open for a hug. 

 

Bucky smiled, two chocolate bars in his pocket that he was ready to sneak in the lunchbox as soon as Sam’s back was turned. Both kids grinning at him and putting their fingers to their lips, promising they’d keep it a secret. 

 

Sam and Bucky watched hand in hand as Audrey ran to the school bus, ponytail moving side to side as she ran and Calvin who walked slowly but politely while fixing his glasses. He didn’t need glasses but he just begged for non prescription ones so he looked more smart. Like Bruce Banner, a bit. 

 

“I can’t imagine a life without them,” Bucky sighed out his voice a bit trembly as if he was going to cry. They walked back inside the house as the sound of school bus drove off. 

 

“I need to go back to the Avengers tower tonight, you okay on your own?” Sam said as he was already putting on his jacket.

 

“Uh- yeah. Are you gonna be late?” 

 

Sam just shrugged, gives a quick peck on his lips and leaves out the front door. Bucky gently tracing his fingers on his lips, just seconds ago they were connected to Sam’s but he already aches for more. More of the softness, the comfort and the unbreakable love they had. For a couple of moments he relishes in happiness as he realizes how lucky he is.

 

Nick Fury said they had some intel for Sam, they didn’t exactly say what about but just that it was important. Probably best to come alone, without Bucky.  Without Bucky, why? Was there a mission they only need me for? Or maybe HYDRA is coming back for him.  Sam’s thoughts trailed along as he opened the door to Fury’s office.

 

Whatever it is, it must be important if they only wanted Sam. They had always called in Sam and Bucky together, mission or not everyone knew they were a duo. You call one in, the other comes along. But this sounded serious, too serious to not follow orders. 

 

“Wilson, sit down.” Fury’s voice sounded serious with a hint of sadness that was easy to spot in his eyes.

 

“What is it, man?” Sam sat in the chair opposite Fury. A glass desk in between them. His eyes trailed around it, a bunch of files and papers that aren’t normally there. A laptop, facing Fury but Sam could see the light coming out of it enough to know he was doing something on it.

 

“I’m just going to get to the point with you, Sam. I’m so sorry but Maria and I found some data...about the fallen soldiers.”

 

“From my unit? What...?” 

 

It’s been years since the army, he’s just starting to loose his nightmares and his panic attacks aren’t as frequent anymore. Why is Fury digging up old demons? But Sam kept a firm face, looking as if the news didn’t bother him, he straightened himself up in his seat and looked Fury in the eye.

 

“Sam, I’m so sorry.” His voice wasn’t as serious now, like the sadness in his eyes had traveled down to his lungs. He sounded like sympathy, he sounded like pity you’d never hear from him.

 

“What?” Sam’s voice growing into concern. “Is this about Bucky? Is HYDRA back?”

 

Fury just shook his head. Turned his laptop around so the screen was facing Sam. “I think it’s best you look yourself” 

 

He clicked play and Sam watched a video. His eyes wide open as if it to catch out the little details. Someone was holding the camera, their hands shaking but still enough to capture every movement. There were a whole row of RPG’s facing up to the sky and men with their faces hidden behind it. Sam’s heart tugged inside him, they can’t be showing him someone’s death from the army-  Riley . 

 

An RPG launched Into the sky as from a distance you could see an explosion. Parts of a plane falling. It didn’t look like a plane...Sam’s brain tugged the memory. It was an EXO-7.

 

No, no, no.  Sam shook his head and closed his eyes. The realisation deeming on him. He’s already seeing Riley’s death again and again through his dreams, he doesn’t need to see it in reality either. Not again. 

 

“ Sam- I’m so sorry you have to see this but please...just look.” Fury’s voice almost a whisper.

 

He opened his eyes again to see a man, the man who shot the RPG into the air, turning around and taking his mask off. Only it wasn’t a mask, it looked a bit like a muzzle. His eyes wide and blue, the kind of blue you’d look into and think you’re dreaming. 

 

‘Bucky,’ 

 

Sam could feel his heart shattering to pieces, as if the broken edges were cutting open his insides. 

 

The man was Bucky. 

 

“Agent Wilson. I’m sorry but-“

 

Sam left the office before he could hear the rest of Fury’s sentence. He walked outside, eyes on the floor as if, if he had looked up he’d see Bucky \- no, winter soldier. That wasn’t Bucky. That was the winter soldier. 

 

He tried convincing himself but the man had Bucky’s eyes, his hair, his stature, the same serious expression that Sam never took seriously anymore. It was  the winter soldier  Bucky. And he couldn’t deny that anymore. Brain washed or not, he saw Bucky’s face as his wingman, his best friend, his soldier in combat fell out the sky. 

 

He walked into the house, 8PM sharp as he could hear Bucky reading the kids to sleep and the smell of brownies in the kitchen. Unable to see them just yet, he goes to the kitchen and turns to tap water and splashes the cold water against his face. Maybe if it was cold enough it would freeze his memory and make him forget what he had just seen. 

 

He turns to to the table to see three brownies on a plate with a note stuck to it,

 

**_ ‘To Papa! We made brownies! Love, Calvin, Audrey and Bucky! (Audrey says she loves you more because she made them)’ _ **

 

He hasn’t eaten all day but he’s lost his appetite just by looking at Bucky’s name written on the note, by hearing his soft voice from upstairs. He walked up the stairs as the cold water dried off his face and he felt numb. Bucky’s voice louder, the closer he was and his heart kept on shattering.

 

He sat on the bed, arms on his knees as he stared down at the floor. The l ove of his life had killed his best friend. But he can’t call him that if it wasn’t Bucky. If it wasn’t the love of his life at that time. But it was, he is now.

 

Bucky was leaning against the door frame, hands in his pocket as his brown hair tied back but small parts falling off as they were dripped in flour. He looked like a mess and was sure Sam would laugh at the state of him. Cheeks flushed red but powered white with the flour and shirt with brown stains all over it, but he smelt like brownies so it was a win in the end. Sam could smell the sweetness off of him but felt the numbness and pain of being around him. 

 

Sam didn’t look up from the ground though, he kept his gaze at the floor unable to look at Bucky. 

 

“Sam. Are you okay?” Bucky’s voice soft and a whisper. The voice that Sam fell in love with, he flinched at the sound of it. 

 

“Sam-“ Bucky’s voice tries again as he ran to seat beside him and put his arm around Sam. 

 

Sam felt the warmth of his arm around him. The soft and soothing touch that would calm him down at his worst moments also the same touch that killed his best friend. He wasn’t the same man after that incident and when he met Bucky he felt his self coming back slowly and then all at once. But it was Bucky. Bucky was the reason he lost Riley, the reason he lost himself. The reason he became a broken man with nightmares. 

 

“You...” Sam’s voice croaked and a whisper, obvious to the ear he was hiding a waterfall of tears. 

 

He was sure that if he just looked at Bucky he would see the man he fell in love with, the man that gave him a life worth living, the man who helped him mend his broken pieces, the man who saved his life more times than he tried to take it as the winter solider. 

 

The winter soldier.  Sam’s head echoed as he slowly lifted his head up to Bucky. Looking into his deep blue eyes and all he could see was the reflection of Riley in his iris. 

 

He remembered the days he promised to himself that when he caught the sick bastard that killed Riley, he’d kill them. Make them pay for ripping out a whole in him but does his promise still count? Does it still count because he was with him for all these years, as if he was forgiving him for something he didn’t know at the time. 

 

“Sam, baby. Tell me what’s wrong,” 

 

Bucky’s voice a worry he’s never heard before. His lips the shade of pink he’d love to kiss, his eyes the ocean blue he’d wake up to from a nightmare. But not anymore, now he sees the lips that agreed to shooting a man from the sky, the blue eyes that watched as  his target  Riley fell to his death. 

 

Sam couldn’t muster up the courage to say anymore. Feeling guilty because he was still in Bucky’s touch. His heart aches as the same touch that still makes him feel safe also feels like a knife inside of him. 

 

A knife sculptured perfectly to Sam’s demise. Holding all the weight of the pain that Sam felt, stabbing him again and again until there was nothing left to hurt.

 

That’s what  ~~Bucky’s~~ the winter soldier’s touch felt like. 


End file.
